I think sometimes people assume I have it all together. Or, on the other hand, sometimes people assume I have nothing together. Pick your position.
Honestly, though, truth be told, me, and most other pastors, really do struggle deeply with things. Leadership things. Marriage things. Parenting things. Work ethic things. Community things. It’s not that there is sin. But there is doubt at times. There is stress. There is frustration. There is discouragement. There is all kinds of crazy feelings of inadequacy, isolation, despair, desperation, and whatever else you can imagine. Oddly, pastors don’t get a pass on this stuff. And I wonder sometimes if because we are pastors, we get a double dose.
I do have some things going for me though. Age. I am not young. I have lived through a few things. Weathering can help make a person less volatile and unstable. I understand that everything preaches by the mile but lives by the inch. I understand that the joy better be in the journey or some journeys just wouldn’t be made. I understand that people are more important than conquests. I understand that some things look pretty big today, but in five years they won’t even show up on the radar. I have friends. I have my family. And I have my faith. I understand how to calculate worst case scenarios. They usually bring me into proper focus.
So no. I don’t have it all together. Yes. I am very fragile. But I am not afraid to risk it all, to dare, to dream, and to simply walk headlong into a blizzard on a one mile hike to the grocery store all for the sake of getting ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies. True story. So if people think I have it all together, they are wrong. But if people think I am crazy enough to try anything for God, they are mostly right.