Who are you really

Today, I read a blog post from one of the people in our church who we call Jennet, cuz that’s her name. Instead of telling you about it, I thought I would repost it here. And yes, I got her permission. You can visit her blog at http://jennet.livejournal.com/

So here ya go

The easy things

    Cory was bouncing my exercise ball, Jake hit it, it knocked over the xbox 360 and drilled a hole in the game that was playing – Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Justin had been playing, had been trying to complete all the quests and was having a great time until the ruining of the disk.
     So I went to Game Stop with one of my brothers and we got a new used game – 25 dollars, but well worth it to not make my husband cry.
     We were telling one of the employees what happened while we waiting in line. He called us over to the corner to “show us something.” He told us that he’d seen us in there a lot, knew we were good customers and wanted to “help” us out. He told us that the best thing for us to do was to buy the used CD but then to bring it back later, with the old, ruined CD in it. Tell them that they’d given us a bad disk, get a refund and be on our merry way. Abuse the system, get a free replacement disk.
     Sounds good, right? Except that it’s not. It’s not the honest thing to do, it’s lying to the store to benefit yourself. And as much as I’d like to keep the 25 dollars it cost me to buy a replacement… is it really worth it? Is it worth it for me to know deep down that I did the wrong thing?
     No. Not to mention, what kind of a witness is that? When I get up to Heaven I don’t want God to tell me that he’d be glad to let me in, but gosh I just didn’t measure up when no one was looking.
So we’ll keep the game and we’ll be out 20 dollars but we’ll walk away knowing that we did the right thing when no one else was watching.
     I know we’re not supposed to brag on ourselves, but I’m not bragging – cause here’s the thing. That stuff, the little stuff you do when no one is watching but you and the stranger clerk… that stuff is easy. I don’t struggle with it being right or wrong because I know. I don’t have to debate the moral implications, they are right there in front of me.
     What is hard for me is having an active prayer life. Remembering to keep my tongue in check when I’m irritated at people. Really truly trying to understand and replicate Christ’s love. Being a witness. That stuff is hard for me to do on a regular basis.
     I’ve come to believe that if you really truly seek after Christ and his ways that he will help you change. But some of it has to come from yourself, too. You have to be uncomfortable, you have to struggle and fight when the world tells you it is all going to be OK.
There’s a part of scripture – I can’t remember what it is off the top of my head – but it talks about how the woman who gave her pennies was better off than the man who gave a bunch of money, because the woman was giving more of a sacrifice than he was.
     Honestly, sometimes it worries me what Jesus is going to ask of me. Deep down I know that he’s going to take care of me and there’s going to be people to help me, but I still wonder sometimes what trials he has in store for me, what he wants me to sacrifice for his kingdom. I’m willing, but I’m also scared. I hope that’s OK with him. Because I am willing to walk through fire for him… but being willing doesn’t make the prospect any less frightening.
I know my life will have struggle if I want to truly grow closer to God. That scares me a little.
     But I know the struggle is worth it, I know He’s worth it. I have to stay focused on God, focused on Jesus, focused on His kingdom and my eventual home. If I can stay focused on all of that, the rest will be possible.

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