March 17, 2011
I have been a pastor now for over 20 years. Most of that has been in a full time capacity. I have seen a whole lot of stuff in those years. Some intense highs. Some intense lows. I have had friends expend massive amounts for me and I have had friends abandon me. I have received from the ministry and have been taxed by the ministry. I have felt all kinds of feelings being a pastor.
One think I just can’t get used to is the dramatic shifts. You can have an amazing experience one moment and then find out something that knocks you down so low you could play handball with the curb. I hate it. I know it comes with the territory. And when you pastor, you take everything personally. So when anything goes wrong or if someone is upset or if failure happens, it becomes personal. I don’t always want it to but I can’t help it.
Today has been one of those days. A couple of big highs. The a couple of deep lows. Jesus knows. Jesus understands. He has experienced it all Himself. It doesn’t help me feel better right now. I will sleep and in the morning I will read my Bible and pray and surely experience a new high. But right now, I just feel the weight of ministry. The last few days, in fact, I have felt like someone put a big 100 pound bag on my back labeled pastor.
I am not writing this so you will feel sorry for me. I am just writing to express my feelings at the moment. We have a great church with great people serving a great God. I just want to enjoy the highs more and hang out with the lows less.
March 15, 2011
Haven’t blogged in a while here. Still trying to wrap my head around how I want to publish information, yet keep what is published for the church separate from my personal stuff. I might be coming out of that soon, so today, I give you a new post.
Pretty sure that no matter where we turn, depression wants to attack. The recent disaster in Japan can make you depressed. Our economy. The news. Our government. Disease. How our future unfolds. You don’t need to go on a hunt to find something to bring on a fit of depression. According to http://www.depressionstatistics.org/, fifteen million people in the United Stats suffer from depression. And many tend to medicate it, drink it off or eat it away. Depression is a nasty nagging culprit.
But there must be a choice on our part not to accept the invitation to wallow in it. We have to push it away. Depression is like tofu. If you add water to tofu, it explodes. If you lean into depression, it will grow and eventually explode. For me, I have to pray it out, grab my Bible, think about all the good things going on, and choose not to let it ruin me. I have a few things that I could really get depressed about. But God is not interested in me going down that road. He is interested in me putting my trust in Him every step through it. No one likes to walk in dog poop. But if you keep walking, eventually it will eventually wear off your shoe. Stand there and you have no hope of getting rid of it. Stupid analogy I know. But we must not let depression rob us.