I have been a pastor now for over 20 years. Most of that has been in a full time capacity. I have seen a whole lot of stuff in those years. Some intense highs. Some intense lows. I have had friends expend massive amounts for me and I have had friends abandon me. I have received from the ministry and have been taxed by the ministry. I have felt all kinds of feelings being a pastor.
One think I just can’t get used to is the dramatic shifts. You can have an amazing experience one moment and then find out something that knocks you down so low you could play handball with the curb. I hate it. I know it comes with the territory. And when you pastor, you take everything personally. So when anything goes wrong or if someone is upset or if failure happens, it becomes personal. I don’t always want it to but I can’t help it.
Today has been one of those days. A couple of big highs. The a couple of deep lows. Jesus knows. Jesus understands. He has experienced it all Himself. It doesn’t help me feel better right now. I will sleep and in the morning I will read my Bible and pray and surely experience a new high. But right now, I just feel the weight of ministry. The last few days, in fact, I have felt like someone put a big 100 pound bag on my back labeled pastor.
I am not writing this so you will feel sorry for me. I am just writing to express my feelings at the moment. We have a great church with great people serving a great God. I just want to enjoy the highs more and hang out with the lows less.